Soccer… or Premier League Real Football? Running Riot with an Awesome DIY Game – Dana & Max #2
A Fast-Paced Card Game for Soccer Fans and Football Purists!
Dana: “Hey there, welcome back to another edition of DIY Games with Dana & Max! Today, we’re doing something awesome—you, me, Max, and a deck of playing cards.
That’s all we need to create the ultimate soccer game. Or as Jack Maverick would call it, real football.”
Max: “Actually, Dana, Premier League is real football. You know, the sport where people actually use their feet?”
Dana: “Max, we’ve been through this. In America, we call it Major League Soccer. The world keeps spinning, and we move on.”
Max: “Oh, I see, so what you’re saying is America just knows better than literally the rest of the planet?”
Dana: “I’m saying that if I tell someone I’m watching football, I don’t have to clarify whether there’s a helmet involved.”
Max: “Fine, we’ll call it soccer—for now. But deep down, you know it’s Premier League real football.”
Dana: “Right. Just like deep down, I know I’m about to school you in this game.”
Game Setup (for Premier League real football)
Dana: “We came up with this idea at the Corner Cafe.”
Max: “It’s the perfect place to brainstorm ideas.”
Dana: “Alright, let’s get down to business. Here’s what you need.”
✔ A standard 54-card deck (including both Jokers).
✔ 2 players.
✔ A way to keep score.
Max: “And an open mind, Dana. An open mind.”
Dana: “Sure, Max. Just like I’ll have an open net when I’m scoring all over you.”
Max: “Keep dreaming. Anyway, here’s how we set up Premier League Real Football.”
1. Shuffle the deck thoroughly.
2. Take 10 random cards and place them face-down. These will NOT be used this half.
3. Deal 5 cards to each player. Players will draw one card per turn after playing a card.
4. Decide who goes first:
The visiting team (or a randomly chosen player) starts.
Or flip a coin—winner chooses to attack first or defend first.
The Playing Field & Moving the Ball
Max: “Alright, listen up, because this is where your Premier League real football skills come into play.”
Dana: “You mean soccer skills.”
Max: “Not getting into this again. The field is divided into three sections: your Defensive Third, Midfield, and the Attacking Third. Your job is to move the ball forward by playing red cards (Hearts or Diamonds).”
Dana: “If you play a red card and your opponent doesn’t challenge, congrats—you advance to the next section.”
Max: “But if the defender plays a black card (Spades or Clubs), then we have a challenge. If the black card is equal or higher, they steal possession and take over from the section you were trying to reach.”
Dana: “And if the red card wins, you advance.”
Max: “Unless, of course, you play a Red Jack—then you don’t just move one section, you move two!”
Dana: “That’s right. And if you’re already in the Attacking Third, a Red Jack counts as two possession plays toward setting up a goal.”
Max: “Meanwhile, a Black Jack doesn’t just take possession—it moves the ball forward one extra section.”
Dana: “Fast breaks. Counterattacks. Just like real soc—real football.”
Scoring a Goal
Dana: “Okay, so once you get to the Attacking Third, here’s what happens. You need three successful red cards to take a shot on goal.”
Max: “Unless you’re holding a Red Ace, in which case—BOOM—instant shot. No buildup required.”
Dana: “And just like in real games, your shot can be blocked. The defender can play a black card to make a save. If the black card is equal or higher, no goal.”
Max: “But if the red card is higher, GOAL! And the best part? If you score, the other player starts the next play from their Defensive Third.”
Dana: “Unless they use a Black Ace—the legendary Super Save—which blocks any shot, even a Red Ace.”
Max: “But wait, there’s one more thing that can ruin everything in Premier League…”
The Referee (AKA The Joker)
Dana: “That’s right—the most powerful force in the game: the Joker. A Joker represents a referee’s decision and can be played at any time.”
Max: “If you drop a Joker, it stops everything (best card to represent the ref in Premier League real football). The move is canceled, the ball switches possession, and both cards are discarded.”
Dana: “Basically, it’s a ref handing out a yellow card.”
Max: “Or VAR messing up the game, depending on your perspective.”
Special Card Effects
A Red Jack means Speed Play—if you win the challenge, move two sections instead of one. If you’re already in the Attacking Third, it counts as two possession plays toward taking a shot.
A Black Jack means Counterattack—if you steal possession, you don’t just take it where your opponent was, you move the ball one extra section forward.
A Red Queen means Playmaker Pass—it automatically moves forward one section, ignoring black card challenges (except for a Joker).
A Black Queen means Disrupted Pass—the attacking player does not lose possession, but they must move back one section before trying to advance again.
A Red King means Set Play—it automatically moves forward one section, ignoring black card challenges (except for a Joker), and the player keeps possession.
A Black King means Defensive Wall—it stops any attacking play (except for a Joker).
A Red Ace means Instant Shot—you don’t need possession buildup, you can take a shot immediately.
A Black Ace means Super Save—it blocks any shot attempt, including a Red Ace.
A Joker means Referee Decision (Yellow Card)—it cancels the opponent’s move, discards both cards, and switches possession. A Joker beats everything, including Kings and Aces.
Final Thoughts
Dana: “And that’s it! You’ve got your own soccer game using just a deck of cards.”
Max: “Or, as we all know, Premier League real football.”
Dana: “We’re not doing this again, Max.”
Max: “Fine. But I will be running riot all over you in this Premier League real football game.”
Dana: “We’ll see. Until next time, keep those decks shuffled and your Jokers ready!”
Max: We should just call it Premier League Real Football, don’t you think?
